Now this is priceless.
The ad says if marital love cools, she should not blame her husband, but take a look at herself.
This woman is “locked out” by her husband….because she doesn’t douche with Lysol!!!
People, I use Lysol to clean my bathroom.
I know what it does to soap scum, I’d hate to think what it does to mucous membranes.
I guess her reluctance to kill every “germ” residing “down there” has killed her chances for “happily married love”.
I guess it is her responsibility to keep her “dainty feminine allure” so that her husband doesn’t padlock the door of his emotional accesability.
Does that mean if you aren’t married, you don’t have to use the Lysol?
Oh wait, how silly of me.
No one had premarital sex back then.
Oh, and by the way, there are no greasy after effects.
Just thought you’d want to know.
Hey, wait a minute….
I must have been immaculately conceived or I was born a premie three months early weighing seven pounds, nine ounces.
What is the most important thing to a bustling, hellacious, active, crazy ER?
What keeps the staff moving, the morale high, the energy flowing?
Lots of food.
I’m not talking about the tiny little Tupperware container containing last night’s leftovers that you carry in your little brown sack to the staff lounge.
I’m talking FOOD.
The type of food that you can run in and grab (after washing your hands, of course), stand for one minute (by the clock), chew, swallow and then rush back out to resume care of your patient.
Here is an example of a morale-boosting table of food. Please note the ease of consumption and the rapidity with which it can be consumed:
- Baguettes. Lots of Baguettes. Preferably sliced into approximately 3/8 inch slices.
- Spreads. Hummus, cream cheese, pimento cheese spread, garlic spread (preferably Allouette), spreads with jalapeno (for the more adventurous gastrointestinal tracts) and brucheta-type spreads.
- Not just a big hunk of generic cheddar, although beggars cannot be choosy.
- Brie, swiss, monterey jack, pepper jack, mild cheddar, provolone.
- Preferably already sliced into baguette-sized rectangles (except the Brie).
- Potato, tortilla,vege (if you must).
- Ranch, Regular, Sour Cream and Onion, Barbeque, Salt and Vinegar (for those of us who indulge our British heritage – it’s as close as I get to fish and chips, unfortunately).
- Nacho, Super Nacho, Mega Nacho and Vaso-dilating Nacho.
- Dips. Onion, Ranch, Salsa in mild, medium and blow-your-sinuses out caliente, Spinach, guacamole.
- Candy. Chocolate. Copious amounts.
- Preferably bite-sized and non-caramel, for you can not rush a caramel and what happens if a patient codes mid-chew?
- No, for the sake of our patients, our chocolates must be rapid-release, like M&Ms.
- It is a little known fact that staff members who bring in jelly beans are shunned.
And there you have it!
There are a few additonal facts that I find quite interesting.
- While the day shift will often perfer bagels and cream cheese, the PM shift will eat anything and the night shift often goes “gourmet”.
- All food consumed while on the job is burned off within five minutes.
- Unless you are having a slow (yes, I said the “s” word!) night.
- Then it will burn off in ten minutes.
- ER staff never under any circumstances “double dip”.
- Our parents taught us manners.
- We take infection control seriously.
- If you didn’t chart it, you didn’t do it, so therefore if you don’t chart “double-dipping” you obviously did not do it.
- Doctors who bring in food are 98.9% more popular among the nurses than those who do not.
- Nurses who bring in food are 200% more popular amongst the doctors than those who do not.
- We invite everyone to eat.
- There is no status when it comes to the nurses’ food.
- Med students, interns, residents, registrars, primary docs, attendings and consultants are all able to consume equally.
- We include the paramedics,too.
They say music can soothe the savage beast. Well in our ER, it is food that can soothe even the most stressed staff member.