October 5, 2006, 11:57 pm

An Innocent Victim of a Lie Told In Silence

shhhhI’ve had some difficult assignments in my time, but this takes the cake.

Cathy, of Cathy’s Rants and Ramblin’s gave an invitation to write a blog entry/story using the title of this post.

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m not the innocent victim!

But…she didn’t lie and I’ve never been silent so I must soldier on with my duty.

I’m not ashamed to tell you that at this very moment I have no clue what to do with this topic.

What is going to follow is totally off the cuff.

I’m going to go listen to Lindsey Buckingham’s new CD, “Under the Skin” and see if I can’t get some inspiration while I clean the kitchen.

I lead such an exciting life.

*******************************

The long, cold winters were long and cold in Silence, Minnesota.

The single hospital in town was the only hospital in town.

The emergency department staff were so burnt-out the snow melted off their parkas by the time they entered through the ambulance doors.

I guess you could say the staff was hot.

It was a hard job, being a nurse, because the job was hard.

People got sick.

They were called patients.

*****

Tonight would be different for one nurse.

Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe, RN, had a secret.

His wife had whipped him up a mess o’ cheesecake that day.

She made it from scratch.

Directly out of a Jello No-Bake Cheesecake Box.

They were the best kind, doncha know.

*****

Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe, or Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe, as his friends called him, placed his substantial piece of delectable delight into the ER refrigerator.

It was cold in that refrigerator.

Just like the long, cold winters that were long and cold in Silence, Minnesota.

Why, his wife had put a slice of strawberry right in the middle of the substantial piece of graham-cracker crust encrusted cheese filling.

Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe, well, he did love himself the occasional strawberry slice.

It was going to be a good night.

*****

All hell broke loose that shift. Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe must have triaged at least four patients in the first four hours.

One of them even needed an IV.

Sometimes the stress of the job weighed heavy on Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe.

He looked forward to his big ol’ piece of vanilla Jello No-Bake Cheesecake with the single solitary strawberry slice sitting on top.

*****

Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe was on his break when he realized it was gone.

Dead gone.

The Jello No-Bake Cheesecake with the single solitary strawberry slice had left the refrigerator as sure as Elvis had left the building.

Assuming he had ever been there in the first place.

The Jello No-Bake Cheesecake with the single solitary strawberry slice had been there.

Somebody up an took it.

*****

“Dang it!”

“What’s wrong Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe?” asked his friend and co-worker, Jimmy Jack Jethro, RN, BSN, MBA, CCRN, CEN and PhDNSc, through graham cracker crumb laden lips.

“My cheesecake has been stolen, doncha know!” replied Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe.

“Not the Jello No-Bake Vanilla Cheesecake with the single solitary strawberry slice sitting on top of it!” exclaimed Jimmy Jack Jethro.

“That’s it” said Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe as he sat with his coffee in front of an empty plate covered in graham cracker crumbs and cream cheese smears.

“Any idea who mighta taken it?” asked Jimmy Jack Jethro.

“No idea ‘tal,” responded Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe.

“Well, I personally think it was Lizbeth Lorraine Longaberger, mahself. She’s been known to have a thang for vanilla Jello No-Bake Cheesecake. Not sure if she likes the single solitary strawberry sitting on top, though,” mused Jimmy Jack Jethro.

*****

There was just one problem with Jimmy Jack Jethro’s thesis.

Lizbeth Lorraine Longaberger, RN, was not at work that day. In fact she was on vacation and wouldn’t be back for two whole weeks.

And that is how Lizbeth Lorraine Longaberger, RN was an innocent victim of a lie told in Silence.

Minnesota.

******************************

Yes, I AM thoroughly embarrassed by the above story.

It shall go down in the annals of blogistory as “Don’t Let This Happen To You”.

I blame it on Nyquil.

I haven’t taken any Nyquil, I just blame this on it.

For those of you who wish to see how blogger with a more literary bent have tackled the project, check out these links, and my deepest apology to Cathy.

Somehow I think she may have been expecting something else…..

Mary Anne from “Life in Qualicum Beach”

Dr. Jordan from In My Humble Opinion

Wolfbaby from “Dreaming and Believing”

Moof from “A Moof’s Tale”

KT from “Kt Living”

Difficult Patient from “Ripple of Hope “

Amy from Badge Bunny ?

Jasmin from Shadow Writer

Empress Bee (Of the High sea)

PK from Pearls and Dreams

The Laundress from Dirty Laundry

The Wandering Author of The Unending Journey Of The Wandering Author

Amin from Write-Now

Who Wouda Thunk It From Another Day In Paradise

Brian from Truth is Freedom

At Your Cervix (R.N.) from At Your Cervix

Dr. A. From Dr. Anonymous

Ipanema from Irish Cornwall

And last, but most definitely not least:

May From About A Nurse

18 Comments


  • Cathy

    October 6, 2006 at 12:37 am

    KIM, I am laughing so hard.. Only you, repeat, only you…could have done that with such a story line! Someone just left me a comment saying they were all going to be so depressing ending with that line..I have to go send him over here..

    Thank you for being such a good sport…:)



  • kt

    October 6, 2006 at 5:04 am

    love the character name!!! hilarious 🙂
    um, jello mix cheesecake is the best.



  • Shadow Writer

    October 6, 2006 at 5:56 am

    OMG! I have to come here every day instead of Dilbert and Dave Barry’s blog. I haven’t laughed so hard over something I’ve read in a long time. Your characters are off the wall HILARIOUS! Their names, their dialogue. And I thoroughly enjoyed your sense of humor in the entire piece. WONDERFUL!

    Jasmin



  • ipanema

    October 6, 2006 at 6:21 am

    It’s hilarious. And nice writing. 🙂



  • Crystal

    October 6, 2006 at 6:27 am

    I’m laughing so hard, I’m in tears! That was great Kim! I think we all needed that!



  • ripple of hope

    October 6, 2006 at 6:36 am

    LMAO! Kim, you crack me up! I should have known I’d leave your blog laughing so hard I’ll have to fix my make-up!



  • wolfbaby

    October 6, 2006 at 11:15 am

    That was great!!!…. but that pic of funnel cake got me hungry now.. shame on you puttin pics of food on your blog LOL…



  • Awesome Mom

    October 6, 2006 at 11:31 am

    A very amusing story!!!



  • Sharon

    October 6, 2006 at 11:37 am

    Oh Kim!!! If you ever decide to leave nursing (please… not soon, we NEED fabulous people like you taking care of us!) you have future as a writer. That was completely hysterical… I loved everything about it… but I was unable to remain in Silence…. Minnesota… while reading it because I was laughing out loud!Thanks for the laughs, I needed them today!



  • At Your Cervix

    October 6, 2006 at 4:35 pm

    I’m still chuckling at your story Kim……good one!! Another great funny story (I just finished reading Moof’s right before yours), with another unique twist on making the last sentence fit. GREAT JOB!



  • Julie

    October 6, 2006 at 5:55 pm

    That was wonderful! Thanks for the laughing fit, I need it! 😀



  • MSG

    October 6, 2006 at 6:15 pm

    I actually laughed out loud at the end of this story. I was drinking a beer and spewed it at the same time all over my monitor. Thanks a lot.

    Great writing, good stuff.



  • the Wandering Author

    October 6, 2006 at 8:50 pm

    That was pretty funny for an off the cuff story! Quirky, it had almost a Mark Twain tall tale sort of flavour to it. I’d love to see what you could do if you really worked at it.



  • Qualicum RN

    October 6, 2006 at 10:03 pm

    I loved the characters name….a real tongue twister. And the cheesecake…..to funny…..I am still smiling….thankyou….

    Cheers



  • may

    October 6, 2006 at 10:09 pm

    imagine what lizbeth lorraine longaberger will do when she finds out from her vacation that she was victimized silently 🙂



  • Candy

    October 7, 2006 at 2:59 pm

    OK, you got Silence, Minn, down, but the names have obviously been changed to protect the innocent (or guilty). Since you’re about to be neighboring the Land of 10,000 Lakes (not dances) in spirit (at UWGB) if not body, then you have to get these Scandinavian names right. Ditto the accent (not ‘thang,’ but ‘ting’). And he’d say “buska,” not “dang.” (especially since exrement words come so easily to the tongue of a nurse).

    Bubba Bo Bob Billy Joe would have been from Surprise, Arkansas or Mississippi, not Minnesota. Our northern nurse would be Sven any-last-name with many vowels together, or Erik (with the ‘k’) Erickson, or John Jonsson or Andy Anderson or Carl Carlson. These people are not flashy by any stretch of the imagination.

    And Lizabeth Lorraine would not have been gone on vacation, because, hello, she’s a girl nurse and they don’t GO on vacation, unless she was having a baby. Even then, she’d have to be back to work in a week… She was probably just taking a basket break…

    And isn’t it nice that you’re going from one Bay to another? And aren’t you smiling big since Our Lady thrashed the Cardinals?



  • Candy

    October 7, 2006 at 3:02 pm

    Oops — Silence, not Surprise! Of course, the story from your gifted (and twisted) mind was fantastic…those Minnesota women love their Jell-O products!



  • Moof

    October 7, 2006 at 6:59 pm

    Kim, my dear … I’m so grateful that you wrote such a bubbly, funny tale! *GRIN!* Thank you my dear! You’ve saved the day! *LOL*


About Me

My name is Kim, and I'm a nurse in the San Francisco Bay area. I've been a nurse for 33 years; I graduated in 1978 with my ADN. My experience is predominately Emergency and Critical Care, and I have also worked in Psychiatry and Pediatrics. I made the decision to be a nurse back in 1966 at the age of nine...

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