“There’s a naked guy sleeping on a green blanket in the middle of the street!”
Obviously the medic with the blanket is initiating the “Butt Cheek Cover” maneuver.
The other guy is preparing to do an emergent cervical spine manipulation.
See what happens when you don’t wait to take your Ambien until you get home?
As I’m sure you’re all aware, working night shift is pure unadulterated hell and non-stop running from the time you run through the door until the time you drag yourself home at daybreak.
Okay, sometimes it’s not so busy.
Sometimes the CT is down and you can’t take any ambulance traffic.
Sometimes the last patient is discharged, the rooms are stocked, the drugs are ordered and the IV trays are all filled by 0100.
Sometimes you’ve read every nursing journal there is to read, have read over all pertinent policies and memos and have refreshed your memory on everything JCAHO could possibly ask should they pop in five minutes later.
(That was for the benefit of my manager……)
And once in a blue moon there is a laptop computer nearby.
A DVD-playing computer.
If you are now, or ever have been, involved in the EMS system in any capacity, you must get this DVD! Better yet, view it while you are sitting in an ER.
(Not that I would know what that’s like, of course.)
I laughed so hard, I had tears running down my cheeks.
No, it wasn’t meant to be a comedy, and was quite popular in its day. But viewed over thirty years later, it is one hilarious time capsule!
Here are the “rules” of “Emergency!” as ascertained by yours truly:
- All firehouses must have ashtrays on every table.
- All rescues involve a car, or a fall down into a ravine.
- All scenes in the ER must have people in the background with gauze taped to their faces staggering around with a nurse at their elbow.
- When confronted with a patient who you think may be drunk and collapses on you, leap over the body in your high-heeled nursing shoes and run down the hall, yelling.
- “A defibrillator is not an aspirin.” (Per Dr. Kelly Brackett as told to Medics Gage and DeSoto)
- When dealing with a woman who is having acute dyspnea with tachypnea,
- do not put her in a gown,
- do not auscultate her lungs,
- do not take any vitals,
- lay her supine on the gurney and have the head nurse look at her with concern while
- two doctors stand to the side of the room and discuss the dangers of hyperventilation.
- Have one doctor pull a paper bag out of nowhere and cure the patient with three breaths into the bag.
- Dixie McCall, RN, has the BEST.CAP.EVER.
- Approximately fifty percent of the nurses at Rampart Hospital went to the same nursing school as Dixie, as they are all wearing the same cap.
- Dixie McCall, RN is forbidden to change her facial expression at any time during her shift.
- There are only two rhythms you can have in the show: Sinus Rhythm or Ventricular Fibrillation.
- CPR at Rampart Hospital consists of:
- Dr. Bracket, Dixie McCall, RN and unidentified orderly. That’s it.
- Five chest compressions, approximately 5 seconds apart
- Placement of an ET tube that juts out from the patient’s mouth at a 90 degree angle (off camera).
- There is no ambu bag attached
- There is no respirator attached
- There is no oxygen source attached
- There is, however, an orderly with a huge afro looking on in a concerned fashion
- Two defibrillatory shocks of 400 watt seconds each,
- thereby frying the already dead heart and
- everyone around the patient because Dr. Brackett does not yell “clear!”.
- He never would have passed ACLS…
- No response. Code called.
- If you do survive being shocked at 400 watt seconds in the field,
- you get 50mg of Lidocaine and two amps of Bicarb.
- That’s after the medics get permission to start your IV,
- which they don’t even set up for until they get the okay from Dr. Brackett,
- who never seems to have a life outside the hospital
- while Dixie poses at the nurse’s station waiting for the calls from the medics.
- If you are a nurse on a ride-along with the medics, you wear a white pantsuit with white heels, your nursing pin and your name tag.
- You do not take your cap.
- You roll around in the mud in the ravine and you never even get a bit of dirt on your uniform.
- You dive into a car balancing on the precipice of a hill to drag out a victim, hit your head and become unconscious.
- After the commercial break, the bleeding laceration on your forehead is totally healed.
- The only people sent out on any rescue call are two medics. That’s it. No engine company, no police, just Gage and Desoto in the ravine.
- C-spine precautions must have been invented in the ’80s ‘cuz they are nowhere to be found in the repertoire of Rescue 51!
- The only normal characters are Gage and DeSoto. Everyone else over-acts, under-acts or is a cartoon representation of real life.
I could go on and on, but you get the picture. I am now going to purchase the complete set of this series and I suggest you do the same.
You think “Scrubs” is funny?
You ain’t seen nothin’ until you’ve seen “Emergency!” from the vantage point of the 21st century.
But do yourself a favor and watch it with your co-workers.
You’ll be living off the laughter-induced endorphins for a week!