Poor Nurse Nancy!
Good thing she got this Unguentine gig.
She never was able to master Rock-Paper-Scissors in elementary school.
Couldn’t really master rectal exams in clinical, either.
But she can measure cervical dilation like nobody’s business!
From the doorway!
The issue of global warming is stirring up controversy throughout our great country.
There are those who pooh-pooh the notion and those who are stockpiling tank tops and shorts in December.
Despite all the debates, there is one cause of global warming that has not been addressed.
Think about it.
There are 2.4 million nurses in the United States
Ninety-two percent (92%) of these nurses are women.
The average age of a registered nurse in the United States is 47 and rising.
Do the math.
I bring this up because the issue of global warming has already hit my emergency department.
It’s The War of the Thermostat!
One nurse will turn up the heat because her tiny little petite self (no envy here folks, move along…) doesn’t have enough body fat to keep her warm.
The minute she leaves the nurse’s station, the other staff member, in the throes of an acute attack of personal global warming (aka: the hot flash) runs over and turns it down.
But that’s not the end!
Another staff member throws open the ambulance doors in the pouring rainstorm with winds at 86 knots, then places herself squarely amid three separate fans at her desk. There’s no denying global warming with this one!
Undaunted, a fourth nurse throws a warm blanket around her wee self like a toga and runs around the department bearing an uncanny resemblance to a skinny Bluto from “Animal House”.
And me? I have yet to experience the spontaneous emissions of heat so endemic to my age group.
Instead, I have a repetitive stress injury from taking off, and the putting on, and then taking off my scrub jacket.
Stop the madness!
Instead of pitying those poor polar bears surfing on their miniscule blocks of melting ice, why not donate to the research behind aerosol estrogen?
Before I go insane between bouts of hyperthermia and can’t-defibrillate-me-I’m-so-cold.
And before I join the legion of fan-worshiping, thermostat-hiking door openers!