I mean, do I need to say anything else?
My Tuesday with Paul at Starbucks was cut short by a sudden onset of vertiginous malaise, so I did what any red-blooded female would do.
I bought the CD and brought Paul home with me.
Now, unfortunately I have had to actually work the last two days and have not had time to truly appreciate the artistry of this….this…crush I’ve had since the age of seven.
Now I love nursing and all. Really, I do. But when it interferes with my McCartney fix, well…let’s just say I’m not a happy camper.
Fellow McCartney worshipers (and I know you are out there), look at what I found!
A link from amazon.com that is a totally weird video of one of the songs off the album.
It’s called “Dance Tonight“.
(Those of you who are fans of the British – superior – version of “The Office” will recognize the postman as Gareth!)
When I stop to think about it, I can hardly believe this rekindled enthusiasm for nursing so late in my career.
I spent almost thirty years basically happy, but I expended the minimal amount of energy required to do my job. In nursing, that “minimal energy” takes more than you can imagine.
Oh, I’d go the extra mile for my patients and I took pride in my ability to chart precisely and legibly, but for most of those years all I really, truly wanted to do was retire with my husband as the sole breadwinner.
Not very honorable, but most definitely honest.
Sometimes I’d meet a patient who reminded me why I became a nurse. Mostly, I’d just smile and “act” for the eight hours I was on duty. If they had given awards for “Best Performance as a Registered Nurse”, I’d have a row of Oscars lining my bookcases.
The eschar of burn-out felt like it was welded to my soul.
It sounds dramatic; it felt like walking death.
When you are wrapped up in the day-to-day living of raising children, working varied shifts, trying to pay the bills and dealing with life in general, it is hard to see the big picture. Nursing can take up so much of your life and leave you so little time to regroup that eventually you feel like an empty shell. Oh, you know you’re supposed to take care of yourself, but that isn’t always easy when your entire world is made up of people who look to you to take care of them.
You can’t imagine giving nursing one more moment of your life than it already requires.
Which makes my current craving for additional nursing education new and unfamiliar.
Is it because my children are grown (or almost there) and I have more time for me? Is it because I can now see the bigger picture and there is now space for me to begin to appreciate anew what I first felt at the age of nine: that nursing was not just something I “did”, but was an integral part of who I am?
Maybe I’m delusional to think I can earn a doctorate in ten years.
Maybe I’m crazy to think that I have something more to contribute.
Maybe I’m tapping a source of ambition that lay dormant for decades.
I may be all that and then some.
But when I come right down to it,
When I take into account my new energy, my love of classes, the calling to teach and good heavens, maybe even do research…
Maybe I’m amazed.