June 7, 2007, 1:58 pm

Maybe I’m Amazed

paul

Oh baby!

I mean, do I need to say anything else?

My Tuesday with Paul at Starbucks was cut short by a sudden onset of vertiginous malaise, so I did what any red-blooded female would do.

I bought the CD and brought Paul home with me.

Now, unfortunately I have had to actually work the last two days and have not had time to truly appreciate the artistry of this….this…crush I’ve had since the age of seven.

Now I love nursing and all. Really, I do. But when it interferes with my McCartney fix, well…let’s just say I’m not a happy camper.

Fellow McCartney worshipers (and I know you are out there), look at what I found!

A link from amazon.com that is a totally weird video of one of the songs off the album.

It’s called Dance Tonight.

(Those of you who are fans of the British – superior – version of “The Office” will recognize the postman as Gareth!)

******************************

When I stop to think about it, I can hardly believe this rekindled enthusiasm for nursing so late in my career.

I spent almost thirty years basically happy, but I expended the minimal amount of energy required to do my job. In nursing, that “minimal energy” takes more than you can imagine.

Oh, I’d go the extra mile for my patients and I took pride in my ability to chart precisely and legibly, but for most of those years all I really, truly wanted to do was retire with my husband as the sole breadwinner.

Not very honorable, but most definitely honest.

Sometimes I’d meet a patient who reminded me why I became a nurse. Mostly, I’d just smile and “act” for the eight hours I was on duty. If they had given awards for “Best Performance as a Registered Nurse”, I’d have a row of Oscars lining my bookcases.

The eschar of burn-out felt like it was welded to my soul.

It sounds dramatic; it felt like walking death.

When you are wrapped up in the day-to-day living of raising children, working varied shifts, trying to pay the bills and dealing with life in general, it is hard to see the big picture. Nursing can take up so much of your life and leave you so little time to regroup that eventually you feel like an empty shell. Oh, you know you’re supposed to take care of yourself, but that isn’t always easy when your entire world is made up of people who look to you to take care of them.

You can’t imagine giving nursing one more moment of your life than it already requires.

Which makes my current craving for additional nursing education new and unfamiliar.

Is it because my children are grown (or almost there) and I have more time for me? Is it because I can now see the bigger picture and there is now space for me to begin to appreciate anew what I first felt at the age of nine: that nursing was not just something I “did”, but was an integral part of who I am?

Maybe I’m delusional to think I can earn a doctorate in ten years.

Maybe I’m crazy to think that I have something more to contribute.

Maybe I’m tapping a source of ambition that lay dormant for decades.

I may be all that and then some.

But when I come right down to it,

When I take into account my new energy, my love of classes, the calling to teach and good heavens, maybe even do research…

Maybe I’m amazed.

13 Comments

  • N=1
    N=1

    June 7, 2007 at 4:17 pm

    It’s easy when you choose it and it doesn’t choose you. šŸ™‚

    Glad that you’re excited about what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. After all, you are your most important customer. Treat yourself well.

    I sent my last blast public post to COS. Everything else of significance has gone private. Email me if you want the key to the door.


  • marlaquack
    marlaquack

    June 7, 2007 at 5:45 pm

    “Maybe Iā€™m delusional to think I can earn a doctorate in ten years.”

    Maybe so, but than so am I to think I can become a nurse at this stage of my life.


  • A Bohemian Road Nurse...
    A Bohemian Road Nurse...

    June 7, 2007 at 7:28 pm

    I admire you a lot—and I am always impressed with your attitudes towards so many issues. Many a time I wish I could be as positive as you are about things. Keep on trucking–you are an inspiration!


  • Deb
    Deb

    June 8, 2007 at 5:55 am

    Isn’t his new CD just AWESOME


  • Rhea
    Rhea

    June 8, 2007 at 7:49 am

    It’s exciting to get a second wind, like you have. Go wild!


  • ditzydoctor
    ditzydoctor

    June 8, 2007 at 9:36 am

    go go kim šŸ™‚ you can do it! maybe now you’ve just hit a new phase in your life, or it could be the new cd of paul’s! – which, by the way, my mother is playing on repeat. yummy! or maybe it’s a spark since he’s doing it at his age, so why not you? šŸ˜‰


  • AlisonH
    AlisonH

    June 8, 2007 at 4:55 pm

    Amen. For me, it was doing the designing and writing I always wanted to do and getting it published–and Monday’s the pub date! Something about having the kids grow up and turning into wonderful adults you’re proud of is an incredibly energizing and freeing thing. Go Kim go!


  • Deacon Barry
    Deacon Barry

    June 10, 2007 at 3:28 pm

    The Academic route offers an alternative to the traditional command structure of junior nurse, senior nurse, charge nurse, nursing officer. Not everyone wants to end up in management. Now there are specialist nurses, and nurse consultants. A long term nursing career has more possibilities now.


  • Nursing a Headache
    Nursing a Headache

    June 10, 2007 at 11:41 pm

    So nice to see the love reborn in such a mature relationship! I have no doubt that you will be a wonderful teacher…we need you!


  • NPs Save Lives
    NPs Save Lives

    June 12, 2007 at 8:16 am

    You can do it! I just finished passing the FNP boards and I’m amazed myself! WHOO HOOO!! I’m so excited! Can you tell! School seems like it takes forever and then it’s finally over. Now I’m waiting on my license. YIKES!


  • N=1
    N=1

    June 13, 2007 at 8:29 am

    Ding Dong! Present for you: Wright State University is joining with the University of Toledo to offer an online nursing doctoral program.


  • thirddegreenurse
    thirddegreenurse

    June 15, 2007 at 7:43 pm

    When I did my externship at the Cleveland Clinic last year I struggled with being the oldest (or at least I felt like it) student nurse in our group. However, the veteran RNs who did my screening work scoffed at me and said “you’ve got a little life in you yet. So what?”

    I think it’s fate you’re going to get that doctorate. Go girl! Don’t stop till it’s finiahed; you’ve got a lot to give. I think you’ll find that grad work is not so much learning new things as it is validating your work and enouraging you to pass on what you know.
    Denise


  • Tad
    Tad

    June 16, 2007 at 8:33 pm

    I didn’t know this guy was still even around. I thought all the beatles died long ago.


About Me

My name is Kim, and I'm a nurse in the San Francisco Bay area. I've been a nurse for 33 years; I graduated in 1978 with my ADN. My experience is predominately Emergency and Critical Care, and I have also worked in Psychiatry and Pediatrics. I made the decision to be a nurse back in 1966 at the age of nine...

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