Margaret Kissack is in a million ads – always with the same expression.
Here, she explains how to use the “indispensible” rubber water bottle.
For periodic pain, no less.
First of all, it isn’t a bottle, it’s a “bladder”.
If your patient can’t figure out that you put water in the bag and then put the stopper in the hole, you have your work cut out for you as a nurse educator.
It amazes me how nurses were trusted figures of authority in advertisements…
But expected to give doctors their seat on the wards.
Soon it will be time for Nurse’s Week and we all know what that means.
Yes, I’ll wear my cap.
But it also means that all over the country, nurses will be receiving key chains and water bottles and tote bags and T-shirts touting their facility’s love for their nursing staff.
Either that or the company logo.
Ever wonder where they get that stuff?
Well! I found a catalog at the nurses’ station last week that is a veritable cornucopia of gifty goodies for nurses (and other groups that don’t get paid much and work their butts off, including volunteers).
Actually the merchandise looks pretty nice as long as your hospital is willing to pay for more than a key chain or a water bottle.
But it was what was attached to the catalog that had me falling off my chair laughing.
It was an “Event Planning Guide” for Nurses Week activities.
Let me share some of them with you!
I’m not making these up.
- Fun On Wheels – “Organize a wheelchair relay race in a parking lot or in a wide hallway. Set up a ‘race track’ and on the day of the race, divide up the nurses into teams. Use a clipboard or ruler as a baton. Provide each participant with a…water bottle and give winners….insulated lunch bags.”
Yep, nothing says “Professional Nursing” like the site of a bunch of RNs rolling down the hill of the parking lot in wheelchairs!
- Think Outside the Box – “Challenge your nursing staff to come up with silly uses for everyday equipment…get them to create a list of 101 ways to use a bedpan….at the end of the week, gather them around and read the lists aloud so everyone can have a chuckle…pass out (wait for it….)…water bottles or deluxe lunch bags to all nursing staff present.”
Oh yes, I want so much to have a chuckle at work. Tee-hee and ho-ho. Silly, silly nurses! How about we list 101 things that would make our jobs more rewarding and administration actually listens. Hard to put the logo on that ……
- Out of Character – “Let them [nurses] dress up at the end of the week…nurses won’t be able to wear any outfit that’s too crazy so, at the start of the week, give each nurse a…scrub top. Require them to wear this shirt on dress up day, but to be sure not to wear anything that will hinder their ability to work. Hold a costume contest and allow them to vote for their three favorites. Give winners…red microfleece blankets.”
Criminy, that’s what I want to see if I’m a patient. Nurses in costumes. I love the attitude…let them, require them, allow them. How about I let you staff my unit correctly while requiring you to pay me adequately and allow you to kiss my derriere in the process?
- Cajun Celebration - “…purchase inexpensive stings of beads and give out one to each nurse for every day worked during the week….pass out buttons….to spice up their scrubs…serve a Louisiana-style luncheon…provide nurses with [notice the new twist on water bottles] motivational message tumblers to drink beverages out of during the meal.”
Yeah, and get Emeril Lagasse to cook the lunch. Do I have to flash my
boobs upper region to get the beads? Why not have the patients just throw them at us? It’s about the same level of dignity. I don’t need any logo-bearing buttons to spice up my scrubs, either. I find that blood, stool, urine and emesis – you know, the stuff that I deal with as I do professional nursing care?- is pretty much all the “spice” I need, thank you.
- Handy Work – “Using notepad paper, have patients or residents make outlines of their hands…have them write their names and a message of thanks…when all of the hand drawings are complete, hang them in a common area…along with a …poster…give each nurse a stationery set of his or her own.”
Where the hell do we work, at a freakin’ preschool? Handprints? From adults? A bunch of adult-sized handprints hanging on the wall? Forget the stationery. The only paper I need from my place of employment is the paper that has my check printed on it.
Oh, there’s a few more, but I’m disgusted with the four examples I gave.
Ask yourself this: have you ever heard of these type of suggestions made to honor doctors?
I didn’t think so.
We have a loooong way to go.