Just what annoying troubles do you get from harsh toilet tissue?
A sore rear end?
Unless this prim and proper patient is wiping with bark, she should probably spend her money on a more gentle tissue.
She certainly looks like she can afford it.
The nurse is thinking, “What a loony toon!”
One of the nice things about my job is the flexibility of scheduling. Each shift does their own schedules, and the nurse responsible for my shift is a freaking miracle worker.
I need one night off for a Jeff Scott Soto concert (okay, two nights) and she arranges an entire week off around the dates!
No request is too big, no length of time is too long…you ask, you get!
I love it.
And that is why I am now in the middle of a six night stretch, including a 12 hour shift tonight.
It’s hard to say “no” to someone who never says “no” to you!
Can’t say I’ll be very pleasant to work with by Monday night, but I will be there!
As an emergency department nurse, I am many things to many people.
I am a counselor, a pain-reliever, a consultant, a giver of advice, a dispenser of reassurance.
But there is one thing I am tired of being.
A rectal roto-rooter.
I’m sorry, but constipation is NOT, never HAS been and never WILL be a freakin’ emergency.
A soap-suds enema is not a life sustaining procedure and is most certainly not part of any Advanced Cardiac Life Support class I’ve ever taken (yet).
My vast experience tells me that if you can take a soap suds enema, you don’t NEED a soap-suds enema.
There are two types of constipatees in the ER. One type will present with abdominal pain or cramping, not knowing what the problem is. They will receive labs, fluids and really good pain medications while they get their abdominal cat scans that will confirm the now very expensive diagnosis of…
The second type comes in with the complaint of “I’m constipated.” Usually they haven’t had a bowel movement in 36 hours. Oh boy, call the code team!
And do you know why they show up at the ER with that complaint? Because their internist/general practitioner/family medicine physician or the advice nurse on duty TELLS them to come in! At 3:00 am.
A pox on all your houses!
I could go into a detailed explanation of what a soap-suds enema entails, of how it exhausts the patient, of how the soapy water shoots out faster than you can instill it, of how the entire procedure is useless, messy, smelly and time consuming.
But I won’t.
Let me go on record as saying IF you are truly diagnosed as being “FOS” (use your imagination) and there is nothing else seriously wrong, then a good bottle of nice, tasty Mag Citrate is what you need.
Yummy. Tastes just like 7-UP. And you won’t have to worry about NOT having a bowel movement for 36 hours as you will proceed to have a bowel movement that LASTS 36 hours.
I’d also like to point out that the next doctor who orders this ridiculous treatment in the ER while I am on duty may just wind up being the recipient of the same.
Think I’m joking?