March 18, 2010, 1:05 pm

C’mon Baby, the Laugh’s On Me

Always looking to promote interdisciplinary communication and understanding, Nurse Anne takes the new residents to lunch.

Sparing no expense, she arranges for cookies and milk to be passed around. First year residents are entitled to Arrowroot cookies; the Girl Scout Thin Mints are strictly for Attending Physicians.

In an awkward moment, she realizes she will have to brief Dr. Ima Tyke on the rules concerning the use of off-road vehicles in the hospital.

********************

Be sure to check out the latest Change of Shift at Nursing Student Chronicles!

Many thanks to Laney for hosting!

The next edition will be the April 1st carnival at Dr. Dean’s The Millionaire Nurse Blog. Submissions can be sent to “kdbgyn at bellsouth dot com”

********************

It’s spring break and no assignments are due until next week.

My application to my PhD program is safely submitted and the results should be announced next month.

I had about three weeks to submit the application from the time they were available to the time they were due.

Three weeks of hell.

*****

I had to write essays!

Long, long essays. Two of them were to be no more than 4000 words. Three of them were to be no more than 2000 words.

Oh. My. God.

Now, I love to write, but this was for my future! What I wrote in these essays would determine the trajectory of the next four years of my life and beyond! They had to be perfect. They had to be flawless. They had to be….

Immaculate!

I want this so badly, it isn’t even funny.

I immediately contracted a full blown case of writer’s block.

*****

I couldn’t put two words together if my life depended on it.

And it did!

It was like a fecal impaction of the brain; every thing I wrote was…well, you get the picture.

The world revolved around my (lack of) writing.

Co-workers picked up shifts for me or changed their schedule to help me find the time to write, and ignored the low-pitched growl from my end of the nursing station when a patient dared interrupt my creativity. It’s just rude to have gastroenteritis when I am trying to work here!

My husband tried to talk to me, but I’m not sure what he said. I think his birthday was last week. I remember snarling a couple of times when he asked if he could check his email on the computer.

I would have bubbles of inspiration only to have them burst before I could get to the keyboard.

That I slept with.

*****

Those of you who own stock in GlaxoSmithKline may have made a profit this month. I went through three Costco-sized bottles of Tums. In addition to my Protonix.

I self-medicated with other things, too. Oh, I admit it: Starbucks came out with Dark Cherry Mochas – surely this would provide me the catalyst I needed to write what was looming in front of me as The Great American Nursing Novel!

It just gave me transient hyperglycemia.

But the day of submission had dawned. Do or do not, there is no try.

(Did I mention I had auditory hallucinations of Yoda?)

I would stay up all day. I would take these hollow shells of literary effort and turn them into essays never before seen in the halls of academia.

It was time.

*****

I went to Starbucks.

Dark Cherry Mocha in hand, I wrote until my fingers were numb from slamming the keyboard. I poured out my heart, my soul, my passion for nursing and my yearning for higher education.

Hmmm, not bad, actually.

I went to cut and paste one of the essays into the appropriate area on the application.

It didn’t work.

Only the first five paragraphs showed up. I erased it. I tried again.

It didn’t work!

Oh. My. God.

*****

Surely, I misread the instructions. Surely, I was supposed to upload the entire thing somewhere. Surely, I was doing something wrong!

Oh no. Not now!

And then I saw it.

Everything I had read up until that point had said “essays of no more than 4000 words” “List your research interests in no more than 2000 words”.

Words.

Except that’s not what it said.

It said “no more than 4000 characters“!!!!!!

Including spaces.

Oh. My. God.

*****

I had written “Les Miserables” when all they wanted was “Green Eggs and Ham”. “Gone With the Wind” when all that was required was the book jacket description.

I spit my Dark Cherry Mocha all over the monitor.

I picked what was left of my stomach up off the floor.

And started to laugh.

Hysterically.

*****

So, my application for a doctoral education in nursing consists of sections of my massive opus being cut-and-pasted into the appropriate sections.

I have no perspective on how it looks or how it will come across to those deciding on who will be admitted to those coveted spots.

It’s out of my hands.

All I can do is wait until April and pray that somehow, somewhere in that application they see a qualified PhD student.

In the meantime, I could really use a Dark Cherry Mocha.

 

 

7 Comments

  • Dr Dean
    Dr Dean

    March 18, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    Knowing all the challenges just getting a blog post on WordPress-I can only imagine your pain. I would need Scotch, not a cup a joe…..even Starbucks joe.

    I have no doubt, that they would be stupid to pass on your app.

    Hang in there! And good luck!:)


  • Rachel
    Rachel

    March 18, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Is that what they call Full Catastrophe Living?

    I think I gave up on NaNoWriMo one year for this exact reason.


  • #1 Dinosaur
    #1 Dinosaur

    March 19, 2010 at 2:22 am

    Now that’s funny. Obviously not to you, not at the time. But that’s funny.

    Glad it’s behind you; all that’s left is the waiting.


  • the Muse, RN
    the Muse, RN

    March 19, 2010 at 6:35 am

    Surrounding you with good wishes!! ….can’t wait to call you “DOCTOR Nurse K”!

    PS. Printing the New Resident pic for the Lounge – HILARIOUS


  • Bardiac
    Bardiac

    March 19, 2010 at 6:37 am

    Congrats on finishing your applications, and good luck on getting into the program of your liking!

    ps. Congrats on being close to finished with your BSN. You’ve travelled a long way, and helped a lot of people gain understanding as you went. Well done!


  • Katie Morales
    Katie Morales

    March 23, 2010 at 10:52 am

    This was TOO funny!! LOL!! Good luck to you.


  • Jen
    Jen

    April 3, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    I really don’t want to imagine the dig-stim routine that would follow a disimpaction of the brain…


About Me

My name is Kim, and I'm a nurse in the San Francisco Bay area. I've been a nurse for 33 years; I graduated in 1978 with my ADN. My experience is predominately Emergency and Critical Care, and I have also worked in Psychiatry and Pediatrics. I made the decision to be a nurse back in 1966 at the age of nine...

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